so i moved, like a whole new user, I would delete this one if I could but the blog link is
theforbiddengardenoflust.piczo.com
So yeah, crappy link but I have no inspiration for a decent one. I miss my old account on LibertyyJadee. That was much more fun to have :( oh well.
im moving to a new blog.. if there is any point? I want to start fresh and this one isn't letting me post photos -_-
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So hey I apologize for not really keeping up to date on this blog. I sort of am annoyed how my old account got deleted when piczo had a mechanical spaz attack, but life goes on and it is just a site. Update on my life.
So last time I spoke, me and my boyfriend had broken up. Don't get excited, we aren't together anymore. We did get back together anyhow, and I was happy, but happiness only last so long doesn't it? We lasted another week and a half just about. And then it just wasn't working between us so for about a month and a bit now we have been apart. Which is okay, or I keep telling myself that it is okay. Pretending is easier isn't it, though I'm getting tired of pretending because all these feelings i suppressed before have come flying back to me. I wish they wouldn't, I was okay pretending to be happy.
Just one thing that is getting to me is that at first I thought maybe it will be okay, because we managed to talk and smile at work, and i asked how he was and he smiled and said good and it was nice to feel like, 'hey maybe we can be friends someday?' but now it is like he hates me, like he can't stand to even look at me and acts like I don't exist almost. I mean he has no reason to hate me, all i did was give and give, I was always the best I tried to be, so I don't think he hates me, it is just a really horrible feeling and vibe I get. Whenever i try to smile at him in the hall, I can't because he isn't looking at me. So I just keep my eyes to the floor anyway. That is the thing that is getting to me the most. We always spoke of being in each others lives even if we broke up, even though you can never expect things to go to plan anyway, and i told him after we broke up the first time that I wanted him in my life somehow, whether it be a friend or a lover or whatever. I didn't expect it to be easy, but i thought we could be that kind of couple. I mean, he was my first everything, my first real partner, first real love. We were together for over a year, that is a long long time to a teenager. We used to be like best friends and lovers, then it just turned all around and we just fought all the time, but the not being together part is okay, I couldn't handle it either but I just feel as if I will become a piece of past he will eventually forget and I will always remember.
I have six weeks left of school then I have summer holidays and FINALLY, i'm closer to finsihing school altogether!!!! Next year I start year 12, and have an even shorter school year, then I'm out into the big wide world! God what will I do? It is so fast, time has flown past so quickly.
My hair has grown so much since i cut it, oh and I bought this new dress tonight, it is a cute little black dress and the silver thing is just an ear cuff, it is a wing because i have this obsession with wings!!!, but i wouldn't mind getting my ear pierced there!
I can't wait to be eighteen, to go out, get my tattoo I want, which is a pair of wings on my back, surprise surprise. I don't know why i love wing, it is sort of this impossibilty to fly, no that isn't it. It is how delicate they are, and so inspiring, also it reminds me of death and death is peaceful and all i want is a peaceful life. I don't know, they are just gorgeous!
Oh and I re-opened my formspring from forever ago so feel free to ask questions!!
http://www.formspring.me/troubledsouls
So last time I spoke, me and my boyfriend had broken up. Don't get excited, we aren't together anymore. We did get back together anyhow, and I was happy, but happiness only last so long doesn't it? We lasted another week and a half just about. And then it just wasn't working between us so for about a month and a bit now we have been apart. Which is okay, or I keep telling myself that it is okay. Pretending is easier isn't it, though I'm getting tired of pretending because all these feelings i suppressed before have come flying back to me. I wish they wouldn't, I was okay pretending to be happy.
Just one thing that is getting to me is that at first I thought maybe it will be okay, because we managed to talk and smile at work, and i asked how he was and he smiled and said good and it was nice to feel like, 'hey maybe we can be friends someday?' but now it is like he hates me, like he can't stand to even look at me and acts like I don't exist almost. I mean he has no reason to hate me, all i did was give and give, I was always the best I tried to be, so I don't think he hates me, it is just a really horrible feeling and vibe I get. Whenever i try to smile at him in the hall, I can't because he isn't looking at me. So I just keep my eyes to the floor anyway. That is the thing that is getting to me the most. We always spoke of being in each others lives even if we broke up, even though you can never expect things to go to plan anyway, and i told him after we broke up the first time that I wanted him in my life somehow, whether it be a friend or a lover or whatever. I didn't expect it to be easy, but i thought we could be that kind of couple. I mean, he was my first everything, my first real partner, first real love. We were together for over a year, that is a long long time to a teenager. We used to be like best friends and lovers, then it just turned all around and we just fought all the time, but the not being together part is okay, I couldn't handle it either but I just feel as if I will become a piece of past he will eventually forget and I will always remember.
I have six weeks left of school then I have summer holidays and FINALLY, i'm closer to finsihing school altogether!!!! Next year I start year 12, and have an even shorter school year, then I'm out into the big wide world! God what will I do? It is so fast, time has flown past so quickly.
My hair has grown so much since i cut it, oh and I bought this new dress tonight, it is a cute little black dress and the silver thing is just an ear cuff, it is a wing because i have this obsession with wings!!!, but i wouldn't mind getting my ear pierced there!
I can't wait to be eighteen, to go out, get my tattoo I want, which is a pair of wings on my back, surprise surprise. I don't know why i love wing, it is sort of this impossibilty to fly, no that isn't it. It is how delicate they are, and so inspiring, also it reminds me of death and death is peaceful and all i want is a peaceful life. I don't know, they are just gorgeous!
Oh and I re-opened my formspring from forever ago so feel free to ask questions!!
http://www.formspring.me/troubledsouls
So went to the show today and got this top, which i've wanted something similar for ages, and scored this giraffe. I won it i swear, i earnt it with my skills... lol just kidding i cheated and bought it off them hahahahaahaha
I just really wanted to leave with something oversized and pointless today and that is what i did.
I just really wanted to leave with something oversized and pointless today and that is what i did.
Hey guys, just posting to let you know last wednesday me and my boyfriend broke up, the reason whys are not needed but just know I'm not feeling too great, so I don't know when things will get better for me, but sorry for any lack of appearance, the computer just makes me feel more unhappy.
but here is a photo of me trying to be strong and keep smiling.
but here is a photo of me trying to be strong and keep smiling.
artistandartwork
I keep a cluttered bedroom with little meaningless objects which hum with memories dear to me keep me happy.
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